“Goodnight Mom❤️”

Dementia Diaries

Photo by Ana Curcan on Unsplash

What are some of your best childhood bedtime memories? There is a good chance they include Mom climbing into your bed with you to read your favorite story. Both of you would snuggle in comfortably and the soothing voice of Mom reading would transport you into that safe peaceful place and you would fall asleep happy and feeling secure. Just before your eyes shut you catch Mom glancing your way as her voice becomes softer. Then she leans over and clasps your face in both her hands and gently plants kisses wishing you goodnight.

Despite your home alight thanks to electricity, the darkness outside reminds you the day has ended. Blessed are those families that have mothers who lovingly perform nightly “goodnight” rituals. Dementia hasn’t robbed Mom of this memory. Mom was always one who loved and continues to love wishing everyone goodnight. Not the kind that is called out loudly neither the kind that is a wave as she walks away. No, Mom always gives the personal touch. Even today at her ripe age of ninety she makes the effort to walk over to each person in the room, clasp their head in her gentle hands and plant that loving kiss on the forehead. Even when she is unstable or when she feels too tired to walk around the room, she still doesn’t give up her “goodnight.”

Sometimes we caregivers can’t help but feel like saying it’s ok Mom you don’t have to walk to each of us. We can’t help but see her struggle when leaning over or bending downward and feel like telling her, “it’s ok Mom.” But then we hold back. Sometimes we think it’s good for her to make the effort, to walk around the room and to lean in and bend. It’s all exercise. Mostly though, we cherish this loving ritual.

Dementia messes with the mind though. It can blur the sense of time. That’s what’s been happening in the dementia mind (DM). For several months now Mom has started performing her “goodnight ritual” every afternoon before she disappears for a nap. She closes her room door like she does at night. The curtains in the room are drawn and she lays down adjusting her covers as if she is about to fall into a deep sleep. There is darkness and silence for about half hour.

Every time the DM performs the ritual we can’t help but be amused. It’s futile telling her it’s daytime and not the correct time for “goodnight.” There is no point trying to convince her that she is not retiring for the night but will be back out in no time. There is certainly no reason to stop her from showing the love.

Here’s hoping dementia doesn’t take away more. I mean God forbid Mom comes back fifteen minutes later asking for breakfast instead of her usual evening tea! I suppose if that day comes there would be no harm done as both mealtimes include a cup of tea.

So for now it’s simply “Goodnight Mom❤️”