When “C” word shakes your world
The “C” word has to have become the most dreaded word as it’s capable of making anyone’s heart skip a beat or two. It’s stressful enough to hear what any doctor has to say to you until that moment you hear everything is okay. However, everyone is not so lucky. Sometimes you get the really bad news. It’s told to you honestly and blatantly with no sugar coating. You have liver cancer.
You freeze for a moment and then you remember you are supposed to act as if it’s okay, you got this. Secretly, you want to scream, cry and be angry. Why you? Then you go home and face this new reality. After you are done with the screaming, crying and being angry, you face the music. You face the people around you apologetically and tell them it’s all good and you got this. You can fight it. You will beat it. And you try.
The treatments are long and painful to put it mildly. You are stripped down to your core. To fight one thing you have to sacrifice everything else that is yours. Then when you are left hollow, you are expected to find your way back. And you try.
Then one day you are told it’s okay to stop trying. Trying won’t help anymore. It’s not about giving up but it’s about letting go now. At this point I suspect it’s easy to let go. It’s too tiring to hang on. The only reason to hang on is to allow the people surrounding you to hold on to you for a little longer. Until they are ready to let you go.
Dearest Annie,
May my words find you on a good day. I just received news of your cancer. I was also told you have fought your fight, done your time in the hospital and are now home to spend your remaining time in the comfort of home and surrounded by loved ones.
I never wished I would be told this is how it will be for you. I suppose I am grown up enough to understand that things happen and our story is already written. It’s just a matter of time before we find out what’s in store for us.
Although I am sad and wish I could make it easy for you, I just want to say a few things. It’s been a while since we met but it feels like yesterday. I have known you since I was a child and your presence in my life was special. Your smiling face and loving demeanor was enveloping. Your gracefulness and compassion won our hearts. You loved me like your own and your children became brothers. Your home felt like my home and my time spent there was as memorable as being home.
In your toughest hour I wish you peace. May you feel the love that surrounds you and may the love and prayers that come from afar find their way to your heart. It’s been a privilege and an honor to have known you and to consider you family. I pray that the coming days are gentle and kind.
Thank you for being all that you were. For all the love you showered. For all the wisdom you imparted. For all the beautiful memories. Your Gujarati spoken in a French accent and your expert knowledge of yoga to name a few. You will be remembered and missed for as long as the rest of us are here.
With all my love and prayers for you always…❤️